Sleepless Nights And City Lights
Oh hai, long time no see.
I must say i am getting quite brown, it is a tad concerning. Being outside is why i love summer though, get to do things without feeling cold! brrr
So yeah anyway, next year im definately going to have to focus more on what i want. Its been a shit year, the only good thing about it has been the girl iv been seeing casually.
So the plan for next year? Well that will involve girls, most definately. Have to try and get out there more and find a nice girl that does actually want something a little more serious. Dont get me wrong, casual is nice, but when its someone thats not available when you want them, then its kinda frustrating. I mean i see her maybe once a fortnight now. its just…sad really haha. If i complain then i get nothing though. Hence why i have to use it to make myself more confident etc. I dont ever have to worry cos i know ill AT LEAST be able to see her when shes available.
What i want is someone to be my best friend, yet also my seductress. I want someone thats open minded but only has eyes for me. I want someone who is ready to fall completely head over heels in love, yet still values the time we have apart. A girl who is the cutest even at the worst of times. A girl that will never make me feel like im being taken for granted. Someone who wants to experience the world through my eyes, wants to do the same things that i do. Someone who approaches the world with a sense of amazement, a passion.
Some of these qualities are in the casual girl, yet not all. That is why it will never lead to anything. For one thing shes just not available. She has stressed this point and makes it abundantly clear anytime theres trouble. What i have with her is a nice change, but she’s not willing to open her heart, so what future can there be besides being friends(which unless i actually have a girlfriend, will never work out)
Anyone who thinks otherwise about her is surely deluding themselves into thinking theres actually something there. She’s holding out for something that neither i nor anyone but herself can find. I do not understand it, but she has had a different life to me, has experienced things that i never will, has had bad experiences with love :/
Anyway thats enough, i can go on all day about it haha.Ill end it there, i guess ill update when i do, sooner or later.
Ciao :)
