Confusion
Oh tumblr, my only avenue to say what i really want to without censorship.
What a dilemma i have.
Going to Bon Jovi tonight..wow, it was amazing! However it highlighted to me the fact that i have 2 people on my mind. 1 more than the other but ill get to that. The problem is i cant choose either, but i also cant string anyone along, thats not me.
So these 2 people…1 girl iv been seeing casually since july. Shes been amazing and helped boost my confidence to where it is now. She has fixed the things that i thought were wrong with me. She likes me very much, and if we have problems it gets sorted out then and there. I have this great connection with her…but she doesnt want anything serious, mostly cos of time and bad experience and wanting to see others too. I dont care too much about the time or experiences problem, its the wanting to see others. Essentially i do just feel like a toy to her, only there to be played with when she wants…and even then i gotta book ahead. argh. No spontaneity whatsoever. She gets upset when she cant see me, when we organise weekends that she has to bail on. Oh well i like her and she claims she likes me a lot too, but i dont know, i dont see it. She weighs a lot on my mind though, i feel closer to her than ive felt to girls iv even dated and been serious with.
Then theres the second girl. Im not sure about her. She’s fun to be around and talk to, but im just not completely sold on the idea of dating her. Shes not as good looking as the other girl and that connection…im not sure whether its there or not.
That being said, she’s on my mind but i think mostly because of her personality and how we get along. However she offers stability, reliability and what i need to feel wanted. Something just doesnt feel right.
Those are my present choices. Ultimately if i was the one given the choice i would go for the first one, she has everything i want and need and i feel very very comfortable with her. However she cant be there for me when i need or even want her and how long would i be waiting for her? its simply not fair on me or others
The second girl, she can provide more reliability, is available and shes fun, but something just isnt right, emotionally i dont feel comfortable.
grrrrr ive always wanted this opportunity but i never imagined it would be this hard. I always thought i would use logic to choose the obvious choice but man, emotions. Damnit. Definately going to have to sort this out.
If its not a lack of women, its too much choice. This freaking sucks. Why cant i just have something simple and nice where i like her she likes me we’re both comfortable with each other and dont put pressure on the situation but we know where its going. THATS what i want.
but no, i never get what i want. Nothing ever turns out the way it should for me, so yeah, ill keep you updated.
Goodnight!
