*cowers in shame*
hi guys. again the name says it all.
I cannot believe how dark my mind goes sometimes. i cant believe some of the thoughts that i have, thats not me talking. Im sorry about yesterdays post. I needed to clear my mind, and looking back at it, no wonder.
The sleep has done me well. I no longer have those thoughts, at least not until next time it happens. I keep on thinking it wont but then something goes wrong and it does. I guess iv been screwed around so many times last year that im at a point where if anything goes wrong then the darkness comes forward.
Oh well, im not giving up. I will continue to fight it. I guess maybe i rely on others because when im around people or enjoying someone in any format then the darkness stays away. its when im alone, and i feel like the whole world is ignoring me, that nobody likes me, that the darkness, the demon comes forth.
Im pushing people away too. i say irrational and quite often untrue things when i get like that, and people cant handle that. I used to have so many awesome people as friends, now theyre starting to dwindle again. I hate it because i become more and more reclusive. Its not healthy.
A new place, a new start, and hopefully seeing a counsellor will help. I just hope im not too far gone. Im sorry guys. I just hope i dont push anymore people away, but i know i will.
I love you guys.
Thank you for sticking by this pain in the ass jerk :)
